6:00am

6:00am

SO, here I am swirling around in my own thoughts, trying desperately to drown in the humming of my computer as it struggles to cool down the CPU and the faeries that are used to run this machine; Of whom i affectionately call Betty, but with that aside the pressing matter spills fourth in this semi- dairy/blog-esque(?)/rant/sob.

And here we go...

It happened, after much discussion and well poking and prodding. "It" happened. One of my closest and dearest friend finally became the "Mrs" to a guy. Though the kicker is that I was the one who was supporting her/him/them, and damn straight why shouldn't I? Firstly he makes her happy, and feel good about herself. He talks to her and he listens properly. He's tall and white and blah blah blah, You get the drift. So I'm happy for her.

.....but i must confess, it hurts, unbearably so. A pain i thought wouldn't come, couldn't come. I mean i too have found another but still, it hurts......Maybe its because of my selfish desire to have someone i can dance with, talk and laugh freely with, and someone who sorta accepted me without my farces. It was nice, but because of that, that i clung on so long...too long

And now i feel i am alone, and like a child i didn't want to face what was there for me myself, i not ready......but alas when are we ever?

Heh well this kinda sucks, my plans for the next week of fun have been well shot down.

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If you are reading this, then you know this is how it has to be. This is how it is because i want you to succeed and have what i couldn't give you, I am and will always be friend. Goodbye and I wish you all the best

Free?

So here I am, alone and free from prying eyes to do as i want for the next few weeks, But here i am still...Just as if i was "jailed/leashed" as some might see it. I don't get it; well maybe i do. I mean it could just be that the prison i soo affectionately refer to as my life, is just all in my head. Though if what i have right now, if this life i'm living is really just one big jailhouse, what does it mean when i'm a so called "Freeman"?

Do i get glasses, a bio suit and start fighting back hordes of angry aliens with a crowbar? Does my skin get  changed and i get a golden voice? Do i start running for Australia?

Well here i am, in the same place with nothing holding me back, and i'm not doing anything. I've become too depended on others to make me happy, THIS.NEEDS.TO.STOP

I can't do this anymore, but i don't know how to walk again, and well jumping into the deep end didn't work so well last time. The sun is up, i'm gonna go for abit and put on the some of the old colours and wonder around...maybe something will stick this time

This

Well here i am, in a small box listening to sounds of what seems like two trains have sex. I am also told that im made from the universe, the atoms that make me up are one and the same found in/from stars that have long died, In which decided to take human form. I could've been a black hole; destroyer of galaxies and solar systems, my name would have been spoken in great fear and respect, but i digress, im just a guy on a toilet......that bacon was off

8:27

i walked down a corridor of white aligned with doors of different frames and colours. As i walked a question was asked "For what reason do you move?" and then laughter broke out.........I've since then stopped moving, a familiar scent fills the corridor, i sleep and dream a restless dream.

I wake in an unfamiliar place with a different face

See you in space cowboy....

Well well

So..its come to this......2;47am on some morning, or rather night; i say that simply because some subscribe to the concept that the morning (i use this term quite loosely) doesn't start until they them self awaken. Which in turns proves the abstract nature that is TIME. I mean really time doesn't really exist, well actually it does but the notion that it is conformed and follows a structured format that is universally synced up is well yeah abit strange. Example the first, last night....or was it the night before that.....well regardless i was taking part in a ridiculousness drinking game, which stemmed form a previous nights, of halfhearted promises of adventure and glory. The rules...or should i say rule of the game was simple, take a shot of beer every minute on the minute till the 100th minute and see who was still standing; however after much debate the beer was altered to cider instead (i stood opposed to the change, but majority ruled...though in hindsight beer would have been worse...much worse).

Anywho, the hour was upon us, the people had gathered and the challenge was on. After the first shot of cider a wave of disappointment washed over me. The drink felt weak and there was no kick, and we had to wait a whole other minute to take another shot. At this point time seemed to have moved slowly, but this would change, after the 12th or 13th shot were time seemed to have sped up, to a point where there wasn't enough time to think or do anything else but drink and refill my cup/shot/container of liquid, let alone concentrated on my duels and armies......Then i threw up and time went back to cruising speed....i guess, not sure.......i mean it felt normal......for me that is, which according to studies that i read/heard somewhere on the information highway. My perception of time can change speeds depending on the culture of where i live e.g [when i'll think of something i'll put it here]

But yeah time.......its all wibby wobbly...........its 4:02 now or 03 in Australia........and 11:04am yesterday in Los Angeles.......wibby wobbly